Dear Breana,

We’ve noticed your tendency toward constant motion and frenzy that makes a cat in sneakers look calm. To soothe your frazzled nerves we are instituting some rules for you to follow:

  1. Stop doing two things at once. We won’t even mention the 15 things we saw you (miserably) juggling last night. You are not winning, you’re making yourself crazy. Do one thing at a time.
  2. Waiting at a stop light, walking to the bathroom, and turning off your alarm first thing in the morning are not opportunities to check your email-facebook-blog-twitter-linkedin-instagram. Knock it off! You’re getting compulsive with the iPhone-checking, you’re giving yourself tendonitis of the thumb and you’re going to cause some sort of an accident. Sit down and check your phone when there is actually a need, not at any mili-second that your thumbs and one eye can be spared from what you’re doing.
  3. Chew your goddamn food. Then chew some more. Stop mindlessly gulping bites while catching up on your news feed (see #2). Enjoy your food and stop eating when you’re full (that’s another post).

Love,

Your Inner Yoda

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